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how to deal with haters

my special lady friend just started biking to work, and while her coworkers were mostly impressed and supportive, a few used it as an opportunity to talk about how much they hate bikes on the road. in my experience, engaging these sorts of people in an actual dialog has been futile and frustrating, so i decided we should come up with a few glib responses to common situations so as to be prepared and to get the haters to perhaps think differently about the situation.


for example, if someone talks about those scofflaw cyclists running stop signs, you might say something like: "i know, i hate it when they do that! they might kill people on those things!"


another tactic might be to quickly deflect their jab and turn it around. so if they want to talk about ticketing and registration, you might say something about how you agree, but deftly change the subject to traffic enforcement in general.


so help me out! got any talking points, or glib phrases that won't result in a protracted (sorry) diatribe from the person you're speaking with?


hiddenvariable
2011-06-16 20:01:42

So long as she obeys the laws of the road (stopping at stop signs and red lights) then responses should be easy. If you don't exemplify the stereotype, you're doing your part to kill it.


I hate dumb cyclists on the road too, they might kill me.


robjdlc
2011-06-16 20:16:30

I'd go on a nice long rant about scofflaws, how dangerous they are, how much trouble they cause, how frustrating it is to watch them blow traffic control devices, all the damage they cause when they run into people and houses, all the while having the ranter agree with you, then make the connection at the end that you were talking about cars instead of bikes.


Youtube "Columbus go home!" to see how the tactic works on Tea Partiers.


dwillen
2011-06-16 20:17:58

When I'm in a good mood, I have the energy to ask them why and get them to talk themselves out of it (with strategically placed "why?" and "can you think of a reason why that happens?")


When I'm in a bad mood, I just tell them they're ugly and smell really bad and walk away.


ejwme
2011-06-16 20:18:16

Remind them that we have the third worst air quality in the nation and that if we don't ban any and all riding of bicycles immediately, we'll never get to be number one.


dooftram
2011-06-16 20:30:56

Luckily I dont get much of that. The hardest thing to get people to understand is that I WANT to ride my bike.


bikelove2010
2011-06-16 20:36:48

Unless they display an amazing amount of ignorance I just let them hate me.


rsprake
2011-06-16 20:44:34

Sometimes, I just cup a hand to my ear and mouth "I can't hear you."


Normally though, it's just smile and wave. Smile and wave.


atleastmykidsloveme
2011-06-16 20:55:50

I mostly just tell people that I hate stupid people in any venue, but no one is working toward making stupidity illegal, as far as I know.

You know, take the discussion to a higher philosophical level.


edmonds59
2011-06-16 21:13:23

Your girlfriend might mention to her co-workers that she's (presumably) not the one driving up the company's health care costs every year.


jmccrea
2011-06-16 21:15:36

A good diffuser that I like to use. Triple bonus when they don't get it.


Philosophical differences will remain, and there is very little one stranger can do to change another strangers opinion. If you feel the need to change their mind, then it's best to build a rapport, develop an amicable relationship before telling them they're a damn fool.


sloaps
2011-06-16 23:19:28

"A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it." Max Karl Ernst Ludwig Planck (23 April 1858 – 4 October 1947)


While we wait for the ignorant to expire, legislation and enforcement (civil rights and racism), public protests (gender and sexuality issues), and humour can keep them from killing us.


Losing arguments makes people mad, as does the "glib", both frustrating the holder of the old idea and triggering an emotional reaction, (like twitching the wheel and running us off the road). We are fragile and vulnerable. Pissing people off is not really beneficial.


An increase in numbers also helps. The more people riding bicycles, the more likely that irritating pedalcyclist is to be a relative or neighbor or close friend. Back in the late '60's and early '70's there was much hate directed towards anti-war and pro-civil rights protesters, but this was tempered as the numbers grew. It was not alright to tear gas or beat or "teach them a lesson" (tune them up in Pgh parlance) when it was your nephew or neighbor's daughter or godson or what have you. It didn't stop the hate, only tempered it.


America is a nation founded on murder fueled by hate. We exterminated the natives. We gained worldwide prominence by savaging the whales. Our industry was built on slavery and exploitation of immigrants. We are the best and brightest killers on the planet. No other nation comes close. This is the history of the US, but it need not be our legacy. The ancient ways will fade, eventually, and those old ways of thinking will die as those that cherish those thoughts croak. We can't kill them as we would become them. Hating haters is hateful.


So kill them with laughter. If someone's doubled over in hilarity, it gives you time to run or ride away.


Glib, nay. Humour, yay.


Patience, and get more people on two wheels on the road. Talk up "protected bike lanes" and speedbumps. (Due credit to Penalosa.)


It's not that Copenhagen and Amsterdam and Bogota' are peopled by different sorts of humans, is it? Change is in the air and the same folk (and some of their progeny) who hated the change of the sixties and seventies are hating this change too. Don't fuel the hate, diffuse it. They will die out or be overwhelmed eventually. As is happening in NYC, there will be an inevitable "backlash", but that will fade, as it did in other now non-auto centric cities.


Patience. In the history of humanity, we are a young nation of 3 year old children. And the best way to deal with a three year old having a temper tantrum is to distract them with something amusing.


Apologies for the polemic.


fungicyclist
2011-06-17 01:06:41

Seek first to understand rather than to be understood.


That said, I also remind people that if the law doesn't fit reality, change the law. Nobody drove 55 from 1974 to 1995.


Rolling a stop sign at 8 mph when you were only going 8 mph is only a bad thing when you don't actually treat it as a yield sign. If someone else is there, they get to go, and you have to stop. That, and rolling a stop at 8 mph when you had been driving 38 (probably in a 30 or 35 zone) is something else entirely.


stuinmccandless
2011-06-17 01:14:46

It's great that most of her coworkers are impressed and supportive. I hope she doesn't give too much of her energy or time to the others. They'll continue to be agitated or else secretly inspired...


pseudacris
2011-06-17 02:06:17

@dwillen, that video is awesome, I thank you for sharing.


@dderks, that illustration is awesome, I thank you for sharing as well.


The objective is to get the hater to understand how unintelligent they sound when ranting about cyclists.


You could also just go on about how dangerous cycling is and compare running into a car on a bike ("DANG! you dented my door"), to a car running into a bike ("DANG, you dented the left part of my skull into the right part of skull")..


mphm
2011-06-17 13:25:17

"Millennium hand and shrimp"


Sorry, I've been on a Discworld kick lately. But shouting back random phrases might help....


"Get off the road, F


!"

"Purple Armadillos, Driver!"


To me, those sound approximately the same level of coherence. :)


myddrin
2011-06-17 15:46:25

"Awk, buggrit!"


reddan
2011-06-17 15:51:40

Just give em a loud and forceful "Ni!". That'll learn em.


And if that doesn't get you a second shrubbery with a nice two level effect try yelling "Icky icky petang zoo boing!".


cburch
2011-06-18 00:22:22

it


fungicyclist
2011-06-18 01:28:19

You couldn't get very far in life not saying "it" now could you?


cburch
2011-06-18 13:20:53